by Guest » Fri Sep 21, 2007 4:22 am
You know, I can't but notice that this is someone with three posts who hasn't signed the criticism waiver. He has, half-way through the thread, indicated that you can criticize the story if you want. Also, constructive criticism usually(but sometimes doesn't have to) indicates ways to improve.
But I also believe that grammar, spelling, and formatting are important. Soo,
I will just say that all the grammar biggies are pretty easy to do and can have a big impact. But you don't have to if you don't want to, I'm just saying.
The easiest big things you can do is have each line of dialogue start on a new line of type. It increases readability a ton. I want to just reiterate what udd commander said that you do appear to be mashing a long and a short caption together. To try to do a straight up long caption, I would suggest trying to do it in paragraphs. Each one at least two long or three short sentences a piece. They will help you to fully develop a beginning middle and end and complete thoughts.
Oh, and I do think your captions are decent. I sincerely think you have captioning potential. Hope some of this helps.