You are all doomed

[Mitera Nikkou]

Right, so... I've decided to revise an old story of mine and continue it. It's a crossover with Ranma 1/2 and Sailor moon.

Chapter one.

Not that I think anyone is interested in reading this, but I'm sure that there are plenty of inconsistancies and anomalies with grammar, tense and perspective anyway. Revising, I found, is not my forte. Taking in so many details and thinking of how to change them to something that works better (or at all) actually makes me feel confused, but I tried. *Shrugs* This chapter's about four years old, so this and the the other two chapters I'm revising will look odd when compared to what I write from scratch. Or not. O.o

Just tell me what I know already, if you feel like it: that being how it sucks. ;p

[Chibi MitchellTF]

At least it is not a self-insertion fanfic worthy of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 treatment. Mine was.

[Mitera Nikkou]

I don't really know what to make of that. <.<

[Mitera Nikkou]

Here's something else that I revised. Although I doubt anyone's interested in this stuff. But, like I said, you're all doomed.

One poke deserves another

[Queen Octavia]

Doomed? Doomed?!? Nooooo!

First off these stories are totally messed in my browser, it puts like one pixel between each line or something and it's all crushed (some version of IE).

*Copy paste into notepad to sort it out*

Second off I tried to read the second part first - bad idea.

Third times a charm - I read the first bit an' it was perty gud. Too bad I dunno much about Ranma 1/2, and even less about Sailor Moon. Just the basics, which was enough for me to enjoy the story so far. But me read second part later, go bed now. More commentative comment then.

[Mitera Nikkou]

I checked the story with my IE (7), and I saw what you meant. So I killed the line height and it seems to work now. But I still can't get things centered in IE. I hate IE. Everything I do always works in Firefox... Why must this abominable browser be allowed to exist anymore!? >.< *Commits untold horrors to IE*

[Queen Octavia]

Lol, I use internet explorer mainly 'cuz half the time I'm using windows explorer after quitting some game and just use the address bar to hop over to google. Et voila! It switches to internet explorer, more or less.

I didn't really like the second story as much as the first, but it was still pretty good. Not much humor in it for my tastes, and I suspect at least half of it went unnoticed over my head, being the Ranma 1/2 virgin that I am. The story flowed real well though. Looking back on it it seems a bit long without much happening, but since it was well written that wasn't the impression I got at all while reading it.

Now, the first one, that had action, comedy & was much more enjoyable. I got descriptions that were more meaningful to me than "My wife, Kasumi, was as beautiful as ever...". Also in the second story it was all sort of pre-determined (Ranma/Kasumi marry, this is how it happened), whereas in the first one I could be more interested because I didn't know exactly what was gonna happen.

Anyways, they both satisfied my refined literary tastes. A fine red wine paired with a fine white, both with indelible undercurrents of goodosity.

[Mitera Nikkou]

Oh, stop it! Or I'll start listening to one of Billy Joel's songs! :O (That being"Scenes From an Italian Restaurant.")

Well, if you liked the first chapter, you'll probably be disappointed in the second and third. They are full of angst. Chapter four will be too before it picks up again.

I only went with "as beautiful as ever" because I was using first-person. I know you can get descriptive in first-person, but I determine what gets described based on what has the character's attention. So... It was, more or less, a WAFF story for those who like Kasumi and Ranma being a couple. Which is why I dedicated it to a pal, since I wrote it for them. ;p

But, yeah, the second story definitely reads better if you're familiar with the manga. That's what the flashback primarily works from. Same with this other story, only much more heavily... So you probably wouldn't understand it much at all. ^_^;

[Queen Octavia]

Oh don't worry.

I once understand something I knew nothing about.

Understanding something I know nothing about causes me to understand something else I know nothing about.

& therefore by induction I know everything. QED.

Ok, more accurately - I know the internet, and it knows everything ;p