Shadowmaster's fic idea thread.

[Shadowmaster]

Also, look at my other fic's if you haven't. I am unhappy with the length and lack of content in the zelda one, but, I am planning a sequel that is going to be much better. Also, I'm off work the week of the 4th, so I hope to get some more writing done.

[Shadowmaster]

And...chapter 2 is up.

[Sakura Fontis]

Another good chapter. I always like the tormenting the guy/girl gets when he/she has to buy new clothes. Don't know why though. Anyway, I couldn't find much anything wrong with it (although the actual shopping trip would have been interesting). Can't wait for the tournament .

[Nikki]

It's a little rushed. Slow down a little and put in more details. Like what Yuki was wearing after coming back from shopping or the shopping itself. Don't skip around and slow down. Also having Seto have a crush on one the girls that's not Yuki (ie Serenity) would please me. Yuki has Atem because they're not really related

[Shadowmaster]

Well, I just really wanted to use that chapter to introduce the whole set up of future chapters. Also, for the whole tournament thing, I was wondering if anyone had any idea's for duelists to use as opponents? I have an idea for an OC that will be a big part of the story, but I need some rival duelists, so, any ideas would be appreciated. If you do have an idea, please post type of deck.

[Chibi MitchellTF]

Well, I have a lose idea for a deck. The character is a big Egyptologist, with a specific look at Egypt's use of slaves. Because of this, he uses a deck that proves the weak can rise up, and overcome the strong.

His deck consists of weak monsters, but lots of power-up cards, and cards that increase life points, and mind control, and cards that revive from the graveyard.

He either faces off against Yugi, or another Original Character, or maybe Joey...

Jinzo hurts him BAD, and another card, similar to Jinzo, that kills MAGIC cards would also be a good defeat.

[Hira Kanaki]

Well, I have a lose idea for a deck. The character is a big Egyptologist, with a specific look at Egypt's use of slaves. Because of this, he uses a deck that proves the weak can rise up, and overcome the strong.

His deck consists of weak monsters, but lots of power-up cards, and cards that increase life points, and mind control, and cards that revive from the graveyard.

He either faces off against Yugi, or another Original Character, or maybe Joey...

Jinzo hurts him BAD, and another card, similar to Jinzo, that kills MAGIC cards would also be a good defeat.

Like the Magic Scientist...I think that's what it's called, I'll be even willing to also submit a rival character that's based of my deck.

[Shadowmaster]

Hmmm, thats good. There are cards aexactly like that Mitchell, and that is an interesting idea. I might even make a few custom cards for them. If you have any suggestions on looks and such, please let me know and I will include him. And, I am looking for suggestions from everyone. Any characters will help. And you can include a name if you like. Also, the card that stops spells is spell canceller.

[Nikki]

Huge Revolution!

[Shadowmaster]

And chapter 3 is up. And it introduced the main oc. Also, he does not have uber over powered cards. I just needed that part in to explain a future duel. A lot of characters will have cards created by me.

[Chibi MitchellTF]

Hmmm, thats good. There are cards aexactly like that Mitchell, and that is an interesting idea. I might even make a few custom cards for them. If you have any suggestions on looks and such, please let me know and I will include him. And, I am looking for suggestions from everyone. Any characters will help. And you can include a name if you like. Also, the card that stops spells is spell canceller.

His 'look' is that of an Egyptoligist, similar to how Pegasus looked in the flashback where he gained the Millenium Eye. Tan outfit, festoned with pockets, Fedora, and a whitish scarf. His hair is a sandy blond, and his skin is not very dark. If he was in a sandy beach, there'd be no way to see him! (However, at one point he trades out for a colorful scarf, after an 'incident'...he got lost in the desert, and blended in TOO well, until he got to an Oasis.)

His personality is slightly arrogant, and he is confident in his dueling skills and moral superiority. He's a bit of a reflexive rebel, however. He tends to automatically side with the underdog, or at least the most revolutionary...

He's a good planner, too, so he's not likely to underestimate his opponent, but he might 'miss' something that is more obvious, or have a plan that can be foiled at an earlier stage.

If Yugi beats him, it would probably be by explaining his next five turns, and cutting him off at the pass. He also refuses to recognize that sometimes strength can be wielded to protect the weak, or that sometimes, when the weak becomes the strong, they repress the new weak.

[Chibi MitchellTF]

Also, I read through your fanfic. It's an 'average' fanfic. There's no gigantic problems with it, it just suffers from not really getting into the characters well.


Yugi being turned into a girl is, currently, a GIMMICK, not a plot of the fanfic. We haven't really got an impression that it changes his life in any meaningful way. About the only thing is him getting clothes, and even that was sorta flat.

You need to increase your DETAILS in the descriptions. , and really get into what's going on. Currently, they're just X happens, Y happens, Z happens, repeat.

Get in the character's heads, and get in what they are thinking. Yuki is now a GIRL. He's sorta had feelings for Tea, and now he's a girl, like Tea. He's even been a bit of a pervert at times, or at least imagined looking up her skirt, or watching a naughty movie.

Some comforting has been done, but it's rather flat. Your sentence phrasing is okay, but sometimes just SLIGHTLY awkward. That, unfortunately, is not something that can be done over a review. It has to be done line-by-line, basically.

Also, for the duels, I'd recommend scripting out the moves they make, then getting a friend. Both of you then RP the duels, adding in taunts, back-and-forths, etc. The duels are pre-planned, and the winner is decided before it begins, by arbitrary forces from above. MAKE THE READER FORGET THAT!


Also, Shadow is currently ALMOST feeling like a Mary Sue. That, or just another mysterious menace. If he's a good guy, work hard to make him a rounded character.

With the tournament, I'd actually make sure to add ways to have them get cards, at least with booster packs available somewhere. (That would, possibly, make it seem more promotional...currently, it's just an excuse to start dueling.)

Also, remember that Kaiba's character should have significantly changed. He's no longer filled with vengence, or has a chip on his shoulder. He gave all that up at the end of the Battle City Arc.

You did a good job, however, with having Shadow be a good duelist. You went overboard with defeating Pegasus...after all, the goal of the tournament was to CHALLENGE Pegasus. Maybe mention that he gave up the chance for a title, and a million dollars. "Just for a few cards."

The "and he doesn't like people talking about him" was a well-placed line.

[Shadowmaster]

Okay, I hear your suggestions, and there are reasons for it. The reason the gender change has not been a major issue yet, is if that happened to you, and you were around people who knew who you really were, they would treat you more or less the same. When Yuki starts getting around people who don't know who she is, then the gender thing will be a bigger issue. Especially when they get into school, since they have uniforms...

For the duels, well, that one was a one time thing. I don't like Weevil at all, and just kept thinking to myself How can I get him out early. The future duels will be much more exciting and intense. Especially when round two begins.

Also, Shadow is meant to be sort of a mysterious character at this point. He will be in this fic alot, and his character will be explored more deeply. Whether he is going to be a good guy is kind of on the fence. He will definitely not be evil, but he may be like Kaiba was in the show, a friend, but very arrogant.

Also, addressing the getting cards issue, this tourament is taking place in a city. There are shops all over the place. However, as I said, the main three spent the entire week before the tournament preparing their decks.

Kaiba's character is going to be slightly more friendly to Yugi and the others, but he still sees them as rivals. That will not change. Especially since Yugi is the only one who beat Atem fairly.

Also, as was said in the last chapter, those things were what Rex had heard. They are not necessarily true. That is the thing with rumors...

All in all, there are reasons for the way things have gone so far. I was having a hard time deciding what the first duel would be. Also, don't worry, all of the characters who duel will have some new cards that will give them an advantage. However, I have not decided when I should introduce your character idea. There are hundreds of cards i could use for him, I just need to think of when to bring him in. Also, I have to decide who will duel him. If you have suggestions, let me know.

The next chapter will address a few of those issues you have stated, but they all will be addressed eventually.

[Sakura Fontis]

That was pretty good. I agree some details would be nice, but the way you're doind it doesn't bother me. Also, I think I'm going to like the next chapter, been waiting for that duel. So anyway, good job, and I hope the next chapter's here soon.

[Shadowmaster]

Chapter 4 is up!