Short Story I'm working on

[Deathscythe13x]

I just started writing this, I've had the idea for it for a little while now. I just finished up the first page, and I think its at a point where in the story thats enough to show off without getting into it yet. It does leave with a nice cliffhanger though.

Basically I'm just posting it to get some feedback on it so far and on the concept. Enjoy.

Robin

The bar was full of a dark haze that seemed to gather on the ceiling near the lights. It was rather crowded tonight, as groups of men and women mingled the noise they made seemed to deafen out the music being played by the band in the corner. The dark clothing of the patrons seemed to suck in all the light from the room, what little there was.

He made his way through the crowd and managed to find an empty stool at the bar, like many other people there he was there alone. He waved the bartender over and ordered a beer from a Germanic country. While the bartender searched for it, he caught the eyes of the woman next to him.

Her eyes were an emerald green that seemed to stand out even in the darkness of the bar. Her hair long past the her shoulders and black, but it seemed to give off a dark blue shine around the edges. From her face she seemed to be at least some part Asian, but it was hard to discern where or how much. She wore a red and black spaghetti strapped dress that looked as if it were custom made just for her. She swirled a glass of wine on the bar between the index and middle fingers on her right hand. The dark purple nail polish she wore seemed to complement the red color of the wine.

“Merlot?â€

[Mitera Nikkou]

A gender assassin? XD

Well, that's a naughty cliffhanger! Shame on you! ;p

Just kidding. Your spelling seems to be in good order, and your grammar was okay; not that I could ever tell either way. ^_^; But I feel like I should say it. @.@ So, I hope the next part's out soon so I won't be left hanging for too long. XD Makes me feel like Sylvester Stallone, you know? ^_^;

[Deathscythe13x]

Sorry no TG or TF in this one.

There won't so much as be a next part as me finishing the story. Unless there is a nice break in the story somewhere like this ended up being. I'd expect at least a week for me to finish this, maybe more.