Magical Sailor Fuku

So, for a while nwo I've had this idea for a stoy floating around in my head, and I figure I may as well tell everyone.

My story's a magical girl story involving a boy becoming a magical girl (yes, yes, another one). It'll be mainly an episodic, character driven tale, without much in over-arching plot. I'm not really confident about how things will turn out. Hell, I still don't have a title for this thing. But, if anyone would be willing to read it, I'll get to writing.

Okay, so you told everyone. But why? To what end?

If it's to gauge how much interest there is with potential readers (a hint of which I only gathered at the end of your post), I suppose I could read it, even though I've had my own idea for something similar on the mental back burner for a while. And if you have questions or desire an opinion and/or suggestions about something regarding your story, my PM inbox is open. People say I'm magic.

Wait, what?

Well, hate to be a kill-joy, but what you have said doesn't really give us a lot of information. Ok, so we know a basic genre, a clue on chapter structure and have been told that there is no real storyline to it.
Hate to say it but, you not really giving us much to draw us in....

Empyrean Nikkou wrote:Okay, so you told everyone. But why? To what end?

If it's to gauge how much interest there is with potential readers (a hint of which I only gathered at the end of your post), I suppose I could read it, even though I've had my own idea for something similar on the mental back burner for a while. And if you have questions or desire an opinion and/or suggestions about something regarding your story, my PM inbox is open. People say I'm magic.

Wait, what?

Sorry if I wasn't to clear on that. Yeah, I was hoping to see what people thought. And thanks. I'll PM you if anything comes up.

Gitskreig-chan wrote:Well, hate to be a kill-joy, but what you have said doesn't really give us a lot of information. Ok, so we know a basic genre, a clue on chapter structure and have been told that there is no real storyline to it.
Hate to say it but, you not really giving us much to draw us in....

Sorry, I've never really been good at summarizing things. And like I said, I'm not even sure this is a good idea.

Only one way to find out.

Git writin', ye idgit!

Okay, I'm not at all confident about this, but here I go...




Episode 1, "Rainbow Squirrels and Magical Girls? The Hell Did I Eat Last Night?" Part 1

"Hey, kid. Wake up."

"Five more minutes, Mom..."

"I'm not you mom, kid. Now get up already! We need to talk!"

"Okay, okay, I'm up..." I sat up and looked around my room. It was still dark out, and no sign of this mysterious stranger. "Hey, where'd you go?"

The voice spoke again. Now that I was starting to wake up, I noticed it sounded like the voice of a teenage boy. Couldn't be much older than me. "Down here, kid."

I looked down and saw... a rainbow colored squirrel sitting in my lap, staring up at me. I stared at it for a moment, before asking, "What the hell are you supposed to be?"

"Look, I don't have time to explain. Meet me in the park at noon, I'll tell you then." Suddenly, the squirrel leapt up and bit me on the hand, leaving bright red teeth marks.

"Gah! What was that for!?"

"So you'll remember," the squirrel said, before turning around and disappearing.

"Crazy dream..." I muttered to myself, before laying back down and falling asleep.



Okay, I'm sure this is crap, but please don't be too harsh telling me this.

Touch the rainbow!

Taste the rainbow!

...

That's what came to mind. <_<;

I hope the "hey, kid. Wake up," isn't the beginning. At least. I don't know anything about sleeping beauty and he's already being tossed into the thick of something. So I can't relate to him, yet. Although I suppose I shouldn't expect much from a sampling that's under two-hundred words (I'm guessing).

Beyond that, it could do with more details, over all. For instance, the whole "kid" thing makes me assume that there's an accent and/or an underlying archetype to their personality. Is there? Because I have to wonder if it's based on anything from the mob in the first half of the twentieth century, by design or happenstance.

Spelling and grammar is good, though.

I do have some backstory for our hero that'll be brought up in the next segment, if/when I write it.

As for the rainbow squirrel addressing the narrator as "kid", well, I don't think the mob was involved at any point.

Not that kind of involved. I was wondering if it was an example to illustrate how the squirrel sounds.

Yeah, I know. What I meant was, I didn't base him off a mobster, to the best of my knowledge.

That still isn't what I meant. XD;; Oh, well. Keep writing, and I'll keep murmuring sweet nothings.

Then I'm pretty much lost on what you're asking. Is it like, "What's he sound like?" or...?

Pretty much. Kind of like how a southern accent often includes the use of certain words, like "git", or "ya'll." When you read those kind of words, especially often enough, you may think that the character has a southern accent unless otherwise illustrated by the author. The use of "kid" so often makes me think that the squirrel sounds like a mobster from the old days. There's one or two other things that came to mind, but they seemed less likely, to me. Like a cowboy, or someone who works at a ranch. A geezer, too, but I didn't take him for an old guy. There was also the eighties' street thug, but...

Actually, I'm imagining him with more of a twenty-something guy voice (This actually makes the narrator's claim that the squirrel didn't sound much older than him a bit of a plothole; he's supposed be sixteen. Maybe he was just tired...). Not sure I really have any kind of solid archetype going for him.

Anyway, on with the next thingy...




Exposition Intermission Go!

So, some of you are probably wondering who I am, huh? Well, since the next bit's not ready yet, I'll tell ya.The name's Dan, Dan Oliver. 16, male, currently living in Storm Bay, California, with my mom, dad, and (adopted) older sister, Katy. My black hair's pretty much a constant mess, my blue eyes are... Okay, this starting to get weird, so I'll just stop now.

Anyway, we moved here recently 'cause of my dad's work, and, well, I'm feeling a bit like crap at the moment. I mean, Storm Bay's a nice place, besides the name, and it's not like I forgot anything while packing. I just miss my friends, ya know? But hey, at least it's summer, so I don't have to worry about school and stuff...

What's that? You wanna know what the deal with that squirrel was? Well, all I can say is, wait and see...