The Doll

[Terriformer]

A story of mine, "The Doll", appeared here at the beginning of the year. It actually dates back to 17 years ago when I told it to friends and relatives (who all liked it), but I had never written it down until last fall.

I can't say that it's well-written. It's hard to put one's total attention into something that goes back that far. Also, I just recently learned that it's possible for me to write something that doesn't sound like a technical manual.

I've wondered whether people have read it and liked it. I also just recently found out that it's not a faux pas to come out and ask at the Forums for peoples' feedback, so I will do so. One question in my mind is whether because it contains a cultural reference that was present during my childhood (but not necessarily yours) it will be understood.

Thanks for anybody's time and response, especially those that are honest.

[Mitera Nikkou]

From what I remember, it seemed like a good story to me. I probably wouldn't have read it since I rarely read stories in general, but since I have to read stories to see if they're appropriate for the site... XD *Peeks at the story on the site; here's the story if anyone else wants to look* Your grammar seems to be alright, and the same goes with your spelling, aside from a mistake or two. One such mistake is having a comma after a question mark, and perhaps a comma outside of the dialogue (I think it was supposed to be a period in the case that I saw).

It's good overall. I think I even remember your question about it being appropriate or not for being on the MSF site. I say that anything creative is welcome, so long as it doesn't express any content beyond what we can accept.

What's funny is that I had been been thinking of bringing up this story in the C&C Corner, after your post about the home page. It was the first thing that had come to mind. I guess it's too late for that, now. XD

[Terriformer]

Thanks!

That story had been so well received when originally told that I felt I should cast it out into the world before it became obsolete.

Also, I'm glad punctuation and other technicalities of writing are important here. Punctuation has always bedeviled me, even though I was good at grammar and spelling. It's kind of embarrassing to be criticized on punctuation by younger people. Role reversal.

[Ell]

Well, a very nice story indeed! A few things I did notice: Your first few lines of dialogue seem to fumble a bit; actually, I noticed a general clumsiness in the early paragraphs that eventually cleared up, but if you ever decide to go back to it, a slight restructuring of the first few might be in order. And during the whole "road trip" sequence, you've got a lot of sentences that start with "he". Now this could just be nitpicking from someone who hates redundancy, but it seems to me that a lot of those could probably be mashed together. And he's a psychiatrist, right? So you should have plenty of pronouns to make use of other than a generic "he".

[Terriformer]

Those are valid criticisms, I think. I fretted about the beginning of the story, trying to get rid of awkwardness. But I really wasn't able to. Maybe I should have someone rewrite it for me.

I've always tended to worry about using the proper name too often, so I stick generally with he and she. Something to question in the future, perhaps.