Cold vision

[Gee-chan]

This is more a poem than a story but I think peoms would go in this area.

Cold Vision

I stand here, from a vantage point seen by all but me,
Looking down upon the world of humanity,
A world not mine, that I have lived in all my life.

I watch the people walk past, lost in themselves,
They do not see me, yet I do not call out,
For I know that they will fear me if I do.

“Am I dead?â€

[Queen Octavia]

Nice poem. I always find it amazing how powerful poems can be, and how quickly I can relate to what's going on. You did a real god job with that in yours. The inner monologue was really good, and I'm a sucker for bitter conclusions.

[Edited]

Again to go back to your poem, I was a bit worried when the first two lines rhymed, because I find I awful force rhyme schemes into my stuff that kills them, but you didn't fall into that trap. The dialogue made it flow much better than some cheap rhyming gimmick.

The main reason I liked the ending wasn't because it wasn;t just a flat out "No way" type thing, but it really made me feel as if there was something there that should be, but won't. Beautifully tragic.