Magical Sailor Fuku

Mitera Nikkou wrote:Like the ofttimes philosophical discussions I once had with Etheric Dreamer (Sophia Anieri, AKA Sour Sophia)

I'd forgotten that you figured out that I was the sour one. And of all of us, you give me the shout-out first? Love you too, Nikkou.

This really strikes a chord with me (corny musical metaphors aside, even), because the "discovery" that you mention at the end of the caption is essentially what I first felt from the transformation into an Eternal. The freedom to blaze new trails, make friends or challenge obstacles without being the same person I thought I'd had to be? That was essentially a bonus. Nevermind that it was more than enough to be the most important event in my life to that point. The true meaning was the curiosity I felt on realizing that I was new, fresh, but still me and not disappeared into someone else as I'd secretly wanted.

That childlike wonder was what had kept me interested in the Aeternalae long after they had become a bit "stale" in terms of people's reactions to them. It's why I kept coming back, never letting myself take my own "no" for a final answer. It's why I still wonder what would have been different if I'd accepted Alyta's offer in June 2004 instead of telling myself, "It would only hurt more, because it can't be real."

I don't pretend to have no regrets or to know when to clap my hands to prove the existence of fairies in milk chocolate (random, bear with me or not as you see fit.) The point is that I could never stick to despair -- I kept seeking and hoping and yearning for that deliverance that was never going to be what I hoped for because all I remembered how to hope for was to become someone different. And it wasn't a woman at first, although by the time I accepted the Touch in January of 2006, I knew that my soul would be female regardless, as far as I'd journeyed into metamorphosis already.

So... What is the answer, when the embers of memory are about all that seems left? I don't know, maybe I'm a contrarian or a joker or whatever, but I kind of think it's the other way around. The reason we cling to the memories isn't because they're supposed to be enough -- but it's because even with the victories and blessings that we acknowledge to be our own, there is still something bright that is missing.

I don't know where to find it, but I know where I left it last, so... Ah, sounds like I have to come back now. Guess that the chaos is less scary than I thought.

Just don't expect me to read every post, or I'll not forgive you. You have been warned. <.<

Figured out? Try dubbed. That's what I called you shortly after your name change, while Sweet Sophia was still active.

You fool!

And why not think of you first? I can say with complete confidence that I not only spent the most time chatting with you, we had little problem yapping about whatever. Heck, you're the only person I ever sent anything to that wasn't by E-mail, PM, forum post or IM. Even though, by now, I regret sending you something so horrid. And after you sent me that mouse pad that I still treasure and keep safe, but easily accessible so I can look at it every now and again.

I wish I remembered the time you decided to receive the Touch better. I'm not sure if you asked me for some guidance first, or if you'd simply told me that you planned to do it before you actually went ahead and did it, with or without saying why it wasn't me that was going to do it to you. Unfortunately, it was a turbulent time for me, despite whatever appearance I presented, and I was of the notion to try and not think much about that time and forget about it before I wizened up and realized that it'd be foolish to willingly purge any experience. I definitely remember that hypnotism stuff that you got involved with, and expressing my concerns about it... It was around that time that you were beginning to become firmly rooted in other circles and we didn't see each other much.

Anyway... Your views on hope always reminded me of Zalabar. I feel kind of sorry because, as far as the subject is concerned, I always brought up an impasse with you two; like a hungry black hole consumes the light. To me, hope is the unrealistic flipside of the realistic optimism, where being bereft of both leaves one in a chaotic state between sanity and insanity, locked in perpetual uncertainty.

Oh, yeah. You taught me semantics.

So, wait. Are you sticking around so I can pester you away, again?

Zilla wrote:AIM and your ass have a meeting ^^

Wait, really? That's news to me! XD

Okay, when? Probably not tonight, 'cause I stayed up again and I'm not all that great for real-time conversation when I'm nodding off.

You've been less of a bother than you might think.

Though I do still plan murder on both you and Karm for your "fix" of the forums a while back

You're just jealous 'cause we out-fooled you... foo'!

Hey, Karm, don't come to back me up.

I'm free all day today. As soon as you read this then, get on and shoot fsszilla a message. ^_^

Also, Sophia, you didn't hug her! She'll begin to have hope that she can escape without being hugged! CRUSH THAT HOPE!

She was wise not to hug me! I feel a lot better when I'm not hugged! *_*

Now, I'm pretty sure that your mother and father were responsible for you being here, and I'm not either of those.

I thought Nikkou was part of everyone?

Shhhh! This is one time to not remind them! >:O

More like everyone's a part of Nikkou. CELL, YOU MONSTER!

Wow. Cell phones are monsters, now, too? Next thing you know they'll be able to form worm holes up peoples bums.

Nikkou, your ass and AiM weren't a one-night stand, AIM wants a second date! Throw on something fancy and we'll go catch dinner and a movie!

But not this weekend, it's SakuraCon weekend...

No, it was a one-night sit! And I'll only make it if I can bum a reminder.

Reminder!