Four more years! ...Wait. What...?

[Mitera Nikkou]

Ha! I forgot that my fourth anniversary at MSF was on the fourteenth. It is to laugh.

Well... I'm still here. I can only imagine what that means.

[Just some lady]

^_^ Well, I'm glad that you're still here at least~! Congrats! <3

*Snugs Nikkou.*

[Haylie]

I thought I was forgetting something.

Happy anni-frickin'-versery, Nikkou! May your next four be filled with... uh... MSF stuff.

[Mitera Nikkou]

I'm hoping for some adventure away from MSF, actually. Until any particular progress is made here, I'll be becoming more discontent and liable to find something to replace MSF with. Nothing has come up after these four years, but it's possible that that might change in the coming weeks or months. I'm hoping to get my life kick-started one of these days.

[Gee-chan]

So, does that mean if we all stay quiet for a few more weeks we may finally be rid of you?

[Mitera Nikkou]

Nothing like that. I just think that MSF needs to get back in gear, with a new and better site, and some new venues of interest. The community is nice and all, but I am of the belief that MSF has yet to come close to realizing its potential. The fact is that, despite whatever number of people share an interest in MSF, socializing is not the only way that MSF will see progress, nor will it ever really progress much, realistically, beyond what we have now, unless at least some people can do more than socializing alone.

I've once again ("once again" being the operative term to denote failure thus far) made an attempt to seek help with matters that I myself am unlikely to accomplish, and I honestly don't know what the result will be. Last time I did this Eirien came back onto the scene and took hold of the reins, which essentially silenced the project. Then she disappeared and, despite giving Kimiko and I free reign (as I understand it), we're practically handicapped, as far as what we can do. I've tried to fix that handicap, if at all allowable by Eirien, but I've yet to get any response or clue as to the answer, so...

The sheer wrongness of the state of things, as it has been in for years, is just starting to get to me nowadays. It's like being a child that sees that cookie jar atop the fridge: you know what you desire, and you are willing to attain it... If only there was a way to reach it. I feel like that; I feel small and I can't find anything to stand on, or climb up, so I can reach the cookie jar.

For a long time I just wanted to leave and return to the shadows from which I came, where I belong. I've tried many times, but I ultimately decided to stay each time because I have a hard time denying the kind of bond that I make with people, to whatever extent that may be. And MSF is the focal point of that bond because so many of the people that I know are here, in one place, and because I have difficulties communicating between individuals; which is to say that multitasking and my ability to pay attention to more than one place are not my forte, per se.

These days I'm torn between the peace that I seek in being solitary, and correcting a problem that shouldn't exist. I mean, wouldn't the latter bother you, too? Things that don't make sense to me are really bothersome, especially if I understand the problem yet can't quite do anything about it. So, basically, I get agitated and seek ways to take my mind off of it. And since MSF is the source of the agitation...

For a long time I didn't really want to do anything, simply because MSF wasn't (and isn't) mine, and I don't trust my ability to fulfill someone else's job description. I wanted to try, which is why I'm still here and now an administrator, but lately I've recognized that I won't be able to do anything in my current position. So, either I will be selfish and leave, or I will resolve my own problem so I can try to resolve what I see to be MSF's problems. The only problem with the latter part is that it would be in complete contrast to the former, which I would be most comfortable with.

It's just all really getting to me... And I don't really know which way to go. I think about one path and long for it, then I consider the other path and want to let out a nervous chuckle at its absurdity. But then I think about how far I've come over the years, and wonder whether I should really give up on that, or if any farther, at this point, is really too far.

I'm still thinking and considering my options, but I think I know what I want/need to do and just don't want to admit it. I think being candid about these thoughts will prompt me to decide sooner rather than later, although it just might be my way of making progress with these matters. I honestly can't say for sure. Sometimes I wonder if I know anything about myself at all, or if I'm merely governed by whim.

And... I guess that's it. Those who know me should expect posts like this from time to time. Although I doubt many will see this post. That might be for the best.

[Sophia Anieri]

If MSF got a new shot of life, I would want to come back. There are many old-time posters, I think, who would. As is I'm only here when I think about it, which hasn't been happening very often anymore. ^^; I wish you luck with Eirien, and if you can't get in touch with her... I wish you luck in your secret plan, whatever that may be. Here's to four more years of MSF! May it be everything we hope for, and quite a good deal more.

[Selly-Chan]

I sowwy mommy ;-;

[Mitera Nikkou]

No need to apologize. Not that I know exactly what you're apologizing for. But I would be interested if you could PM me and give me an update on your progress, if any has been made.

Sophia:

It's not really a secret, per se: in that I have told someone. I just don't get around telling everyone because the possibility is yet to be seen. The person I've told is Kimiko, since we work together. There is only one thing that I've actually kept secret, but that's just so people can be surprised. If it will happen is another story, so... No use talking about stuff that hasn't been written in stone.

[Helel]

So, does that mean if we all stay quiet for a few more weeks we may finally be rid of you?

There's a failsafe installed in MSF that'll cause yaks to explode at random if you don't appease Nikkou, and will keep her around until people out and say something. At which point the exploding yaks will stop, and the seventh girl vs boy war will begin.

That said, I'm glad you've hung in with us, Nikkou. While I'm not the most active person on the forums now (though I am from time to time, I swear), I'll at least continue to haunt IRC for you for ever and ever. We have fun there, I joke you not.

It's better than your mom jokes, at least.

[Tiffany Grimm]

Nothing else to say but congrats!

[Mitera Nikkou]

I have mom jokes? <_<

Like, um... Your mom is so dyslexic that she confuses herself for a Pokemon? (Probably too high brow. XD)

You know, I intended to get back into IRC regularly, but it just isn't the same with Mibbit. So I got discouraged, as I ofttimes do.

[AshK]

Happy Belated Anniversary Nikkou! Sorry it took me so long to wish you one.

[Mitera Nikkou]

FOUR MO...!

...

So this is why recycling doesn't work. ;/

[Stray-chan]

Wow, five years. Pretty impressive Nikkou. If I may ask, how's the state of MSF compared to a year ago? I mean, you're still here, so it must not have deteriorated at least, right?