Akemi wrote:Your commentary means a lot to me, truthfully. You're one of my inspirations. Thanks Kougetsu *bows*
Thank you.
The "punishment" ones and the friend insertions seemed a bit too ordinary, I suppose the idea of punishment is cool but maybe if you put less exposition in the dialogue?
Now, the ones I liked...
Erick - This was fairly good, I take it that it's our Erick. The concept is fine, the story is fine and there's a good deal of depth to the text and image.
A tale of two sisters - The humor was good.
Easy Job - This one is a C+. There's enogh depth here, but how she brings up her TF is a little too contrived and on purpose. Someone in her situation wouldn't bring it up like that.
You have it maid - This one I sort of like, it could use a little more work.
Jessica - Along with Erika, this is one of the best ones. I like the dream angle you threw in there, that was a nice twist.
The Riddle - This also was one of your best ones... especially since I can't solve it.
All right? - Remember how I said Easy job was too expository? This one is more like I'm suggesting you make it. There seems to be dialogue coming from the reader and it explains why she explains.
Sanctum - Remember me? An odd phrase at the end but other than that it's okay. Not your best but positive.